Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Trans Mom and the Prom Princess

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl who longed to go to the dance.......This evening was the second of two trips to the mall with my daughter to buy everything a girl needs for her Prom.  I have felt so privileged that she felt she could bear to have me there to help her choose her dress, purse, shoes and even advise on what shade of lippy to wear.  I can’t begin to get my head around to realizing how incredibly lucky I am to be in this position.  Lucky too to have an ex partner who is happy to see me bring my daughter up and to be in this position.

I am so aware of how different it could all have been, aware of the many trans parents who never get to see their children or whose relationship with their ex is one of loathing and hatred.  I must say a huge thanks to my ex partner for being so tolerant and understanding.

It was not a therapist, but a ordinary friend at work who showed me that it was okay to be a Mom and not persist in plaguing myself with doubts about depriving my children of a Dad.  My lesbian work colleague did it so effortlessly by just sharing and chatting about her own children and asking about mine, about school, about sibling rivalry, about just being Moms.  She accepted me as my children’s Mom without any big deal and with no question.  There are laughs and low points and one very ordinary yet paradoxically extremely special relationship.

So, special and yet so ordinary - Princesses are very special, particularly to their Moms and yet Prom Princesses abound at this time of year,  they are just ordinary people. Very ordinary girls who are special to those whose lives they touch.  There is a pang of regret that I didn’t have this element of teenage girlhood in my own life,  no taking bags full of clothes over to my friend’s house to gossip, chat and get ready, no doing each others nails and makeup, only awkwardness at getting ready for a school dance in clothes I hated and where the people I really fancied were the ones I had to call my mates. I would have given ANYTHING to have been a plain and ORDINARY girl, not some weird boy who drew attention to himself by refusing to fit in........In the end, after a very long wait, he (well SHE actually) did get to live happily ever after :D

Reading this, you will have your own memories of school, both good and bad, you may be even just about to graduate High School for all I know.  Special or ordinary both, what were your experiences like?

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