Saturday, August 18, 2012

Zip fasteners, bracelets, swim suits and a new appointment

It's been a while since I blogged. I've had an easy time of songwriting and catching up, kicking back a little and relaxing. It's been Pride season with lots of events on. It's also been High Summer here on the Welsh Coast in the UK which means that it rains a lot but it's also so incredibly warm. The Palm trees on the Promenade look a little more in place and I wear light summer tops and skirts as well as dresses. I'm slim, or more to the point I really lack those full Girly curves! That means I choose fitted dresses that cling close on top and flare out from my waist which miraculously now is so much higher than it used to be (thank goodness for Evorel!) having long back zippers on dresses means being a contortionist as you try close it. If I'm on my own, I do it with very great difficulty.

I'm a romantic (my mates (both straight & lesbian) think should have grown out of it by now! But I can't help wanting to have a guy in my life to zip up my dress for me, fasten all those bracelets and give compliments when I look nice. I miss having some guy's tie to tie. It would be handy too to have someone to open jars and someone taller than my 5' 6" to reach down things from those ridiculously high shelves in my fitted kitchen (why do they do them like that?). A moments thought though and I'm back in the real world. My experience of men so far in 7 years of being a woman is that they're more likely to want to pull your dress zip down rather than up and mess up your hair kissing you when you've spent ages on it rather than pass nice compliments. Joking aside, I'm also painfully and sadly aware that I've still not fully completed my transition and I would be a real surprise to any guy who really wanted to get into my panties, let alone pulling down my dress zips.

So that brings me to swimming cozzies. I used to love going swimming, well the pool part anyway. I still do, but now it's fraught with difficulty and I tend to shy away from pools, particularly ones with open plan change facilities and no cubicles. I vacationed this year with my youngest at a place with a leisure suite, spa pool, gym etc. It was lovely, except for the women's locker room. It's fine going down with your swimming costume underneath your clothes, not so good when it comes to changing back and hoping the towel you've wrapped around you above your boobs doesn't slip and reveal all while you put dry knickers back on. We used the pool almost everyday. It was really nerve wracking in a week long vacation for me. The best I can say is, I survived, the towel never slipped thank goodness.

Back home off holiday, there was a letter waiting with a London postmark. Yes, I was idiotically excited to finally get me first appointment with the Charing Cross Surgical Team in September. It's a relief to find that WHSCC have finally agreed funding and that I can breathe again. I'm aware though that for those around me like my youngest daughter, it's a rather different story. She has a new reason to worry (as well as A levels, friendships and boyfriends) because I'm moving closer to surgery, I'll be away from home and it's uncharted territory for her. It's uncharted territory for me too, even though I've been looking forward to this moment and gleaning all the information I could from friends who have been there before me. Here goes!


Robyn-Jane xxx