Monday, January 13, 2014

Identity, Gender Identity and 'The Twist'


Okay, let's do the Twist shall we? I'm a little too young to remember the Chubby Checker variety. I have vague recollections of practising the Twist with my best friend Julie in the lounge but we were three years old at the time and it was chance for fun, pretending to be grown up and a good laugh. In my previous post I mentioned that there was a twist to my last blog but omitted to mention what it was. Here goes.

Gender pronouns and washrooms are strange things. Pronouns are placeholders for something else. The information they convey is limited so we have to do some imagining. When I say 'he' or 'she' you probably have some sort of stereotypical male or female image, especially if you don't know the person I'm describing. Stereotypes are like the symbols on male and female washroom doors; an outline generalised from typical expectations. So, that stylised figure in a dress or in trousers, just how accurately does it represent men or women? When you go out clubbing on Manchester's Canal Street (or anywhere else in the Village) and you want the loo, you're faced with the choice of a urinal or unisex toilets. It's bit of a shock to those going there for the first time. They see individuals in skirts, dresses, jeans, hot pants, leggings. They might be male, they might be female and does it really matter? It seems strange for me as a Trans woman to be saying this but why on earth should a dress or trousers be an indicator of gender anyway? Comments invited :)

I first met Tina on the December 13 2012. We met for lunch in a little seaside cafe close to where I work. We had met previously online via Facebook. Tina became a really lovely and supportive friend. We kept in touch throughout the Winter and early Spring of 2013, through all of my pre-op prep and that awful 'menopausal' period on no hormones. I kept in touch from my hospital bed. After I returned home from Charing Cross Tina came round to see me, indeed she was one of the first to visit me at home.....

Hang on, haven't I written something like this before? Does any of it sound remotely familiar to you? Things were shaping up for a really close 'bessie m8's' relationship when Tina casually mentioned that Martin would be popping in to see me the following week instead. Cue the moment when I sat in my sunlit lounge curled up on the carpet and couldn't take my eyes off the gorgeous brown eyed guy gazing back at me from my sofa.

Cue the coolest, most rewarding and beautiful loving relationships I have ever known. I mean that sincerely. I love both sides of my boyfriend and the fun and amazing possibilities that loving someone so adventurous brings. What is the difference if he put on a skirt and top and I slip on a 'boyfriend' sweater and a pair of jeans. These are clothes at the end of the day, nothing more. Why should we girls have all the glam stuff and the bling and guys have the drab stuff?

There are so many advantages. I now have a boyfriend I can surprise with little presents like a pretty piece of jewellery or a cute watch. I can indulge him in a sparkly red dress or on occasion and have him indulge me too. More importantly, it's a blessing to have someone who knows what it feels like to be a woman; who has tasted the horrors and delights of having guys objectify you walking in heels! He knows my dress size; my favourite perfume and my taste in clothes and lingerie. I can talk about makeup tips, mascaras and eyeliner and he knows exactly what I mean.

So what if we need more closet space for our ever expanding wardrobe? Does it really matter if he borrows my tights or stockings or any of my makeup? Having a cross-dressing boyfriend is fun. I love shopping for clothes together, even if it does mean I end up spending more than I intend to! Most important of all is that he is someone who loves and trusts me enough to share that part of his life with me. I must be the luckiest girl out :)


Jane x



  1. I think that there are two people that are the luckiest in the world. Love is such a wonderful and previous thing and I am so glad you have found each other

    1. Thanks Becca, I really felt like I won the Trans lottery in 2013 :) xx

  2. I am joint winner here and I am so proud to be sharing your winnings. So happy to be sharing the rest of our lives together xxxxxxxxx

  3. Winning through life to this point and meeting you has been the best ever. It was SO worth waiting for :) xxxxxxxxxx