And here I am back from my appointment with James Barrett. Caffè Nero and its wifi gives me an excellent chance to say how it went. So here goes. Excuse the photo by the way and no, I'm not dressed like this in the middle of Hamnersmith, sat here drinking coffee. Please don't all rush here at once!
So, boob job or not? I'm a little nearer to a solution. Here I am looking at my picture and thinking....sexy or not? Maybe I don't want to change anything.
My discussion with James Barrett ranged over the need to consider the long as well as the short term, to think about exactly why I might want BA and whether I can deal with the maintenance responsibilities of implants and having them redone from time to time. Looking at myself I can grudgingly acknowledge (at last) that I might just be cute and pretty and maybe that IS the way I want to stay and need to be. I was glad of the chance to run my musings and ideas through a reality check. It had not really occurred to me (obvious really) that few of my dresses would fit after surgery or that I might possibly ruin the proportions and balance of my body. I realise now that you can, if you're not careful, lose sight of the whole picture, i.e. your whole self.
Okay I admit it. I've spent my whole life hating my body but today the brakes finally came on good and hard and I stopped that or most of it. I realise that it's time to rejoice in what I've become and enjoy being the person that I am. Though I still haven't wholly made up my mind, I think I have had a useful lesson in looking at myself and trying to see what others tell me that they see; a beautiful girl. I'd always thought it narcissistic to feel that way but I'm beginning to realise that accepting myself for the unique person that I am might be the best way.