That All Important Date

So this is it, that really important date, the one I've been looking forward to my whole life and, OMG, it's in 4 days time.  There are so many things going through my head, it's unbelievable.  So what's he like?  Is he cute?  Where are you meeting him? How do you think it will go?  What are you going to wear? At the moment I'm finding it difficult to think straight.

You see, I really want this guy to take me seriously, to value me as a woman and possibly respect me as a mother.  I know very little about him apart from him being well educated.  Okay, I have to admit this IS a blind date, set up by a friend of mine, I'm accepting his judgment and I hope I'm right.

I'm looking for someone who can offer commitment, reassurance and support. I'm hoping for someone with an open attitude who won't judge me, who'll believe what I say and not constantly question and mistrust me.  What is he looking for? I'm not sure, someone who is feminine, womanly and self assured perhaps?  I suspect that he's also looking for a woman who can support herself and can prove that she's got an independent life of her own. If I dare admit it, I'm so scared that I'm going to be dumped after a first date for not being an adequate enough woman.

So no pressure then! I have a hotel room booked, I've got a full complement of makeup in my luggage and even more in my purse for touch ups, I've got my straighteners and brushes, I've got a nice pair of shoes, spare pairs of pantie hose, my cell, perfume (but not too much),  money for taxi fares, every last thing but my confidence!  I so desperately need my confidence for this date.   I know that I'm going to need it.  This guy has a reputation for only accepting women who are really sure about themselves and confident about their identity.  I've dated other professional guys, I know the type.  What I SAY on this date is going to be REALLY important, it won't be good enough simply to look attractive.  I better not lie either otherwise he'll see right through me.  Is this beginning to sound more like 'Mission Impossible' than a date?  Your mission if you choose to accept it Miss Ward...

Listen, I STILL don't know what I'm going to wear.  What sort of look I should go for, what clothes, what shoes, what makeup? Well what do you normally wear on a date?  Should I go for sexy (complete 'No, no), sophisticated power girl, cute girl next door, designer chick or even just as myself?  So who am I? I'm a Teacher's Assistant and a musician, am I really up to this?

How do I look?

I better 'come clean' with you.  This isn't actually a proper date, it's my first appointment at a new GID Clinic with a new psychiatrist who I don't know, though I do know that he's a man.  It's the culmination of six long years of waiting, therapy, hormone treatment, facial electrolysis, letter writing, complaining, crying, frustration and yes, just getting on with my everyday working life as a woman and a Mom.  It's not a date, but for all the anxiety and heartache I'm putting myself through, it might just as well be.

I keep telling myself that I'm worrying unnecessarily, I so hope that I am. I'm psyching myself up to just go as myself and relax.  If all my working colleagues, students, friends and neighbors  have long since accepted me as female why should a psychiatrist question that and why should he question why I dislike having to put up with my male anatomy?  What woman would genuinely want to go through life with a penis, except on her favorite guy?

Here's hoping that I don't have to! :)

Robyn-Jane